Today, my Communications professor showed us a very nifty and brilliant video on conviction in speech. Upon feeling convicted, I went home more determined than ever to get started on the poem I had been planning to write for a very precious soul here in Lincoln who just happened to give me a mini fashion show ten minutes ago in anticipation for the upcoming (and dreaded) Malaysian Night this Saturday. After five minutes of laborious brainstorming, I saw that I had only come up with one line and several words at different ends of the paper. And then I decided that my brain needed a rest from the angst of poetry-writing. I will come up with another line tomorrow. (Hopefully more but I better not make any promises lest I fail myself.)

Twice did I nearly break my week-long fast from Facebook today. Seeing as how I am itching to get back on Facebook the minute Wednesday morning arrives, I think it is best that I refrain from throwing away my time and prolong this fast...until Saturday! Ten days. It is going to be one of my life's greatest challenges. But I can do it. I mean, I hope, like, I can do it, y'know?

Besides having my head pervaded with thoughts on the awesomeness of language, poetic stress and the pains of Facebook deprivation, I also spent the better half of the day slaving for the booklet for Malaysian Night. It is now only 100% (divided by four) done. This is the result of possessing superb procrastinating skills...and zero designing skills.

It is now thirty minutes away from March 2011 and my plans for the night include listening to the sermon my apartmentmate and I had only listened to halfway few days ago...and memorizing volcanic and granitic rocks for tomorrow's Geology lab quiz.

Looking forward to my sleep tonight even though it would be a very short one. And looking forward to the rising sun tomorrow.

Like, over and out?



Lesson learned today (a little bit too delayed, if you ask me...or a lot too delayed): People are important.

As important as the color blue in the sky.

As important as words are in a book.

As important as the act of being there.

As important as the five human senses.

As important as the invention of wheels.

As important as zappers in the quest to exterminate mosquitoes.

As important as sambal in a meal of nasi lemak.

As important as the pineapple under the sea.

Well...you catch my drift.

People are important. Immensely important.

Shout-out to the important people I spoke to today: Mother, father, brother, cousin sister, aunt, uncle, apartmentmate, high school friends, college friends and university friends. All within a day. My soul is refreshed.

P/S: Apologies for such cheesiness. I am not quite sure what to do with myself. Oy!


The Gentleman

To one of the dearest gentlemen in my life,

Although this is a message only meant for you, I want to do this publicly on my blog -though who still reads this upon its 723rd death is beyond me- because I find no reason in hiding this but rejoicing in it.

I don't even know where to begin because there is so much I want to say. But I guess like in every situation, you deliver the bad news first, and then the good news. So the bad news is this: I have changed yet again in the past few weeks. I am no longer the Justine you know (Justine 3.0) after the Justine you knew earlier (Justine 2.0) was gone. I am now Justine 4.0. And before you start howling with laughter -which you are probably already doing- I want to deliver the good news next.

The good news is this: I am liking this Justine 4.0 very much, and I think you might like this Justine, too. I don't want to launch into a string of apologies because both you and I know that I have said it one too many times and no matter how truly sorry I was, I couldn't show it. What I want to do is thank you, something that both you and I also know that I do too much. But with this unplanned post, I express my implicit gratitude.

Thank you for your trust in me. It means more than you know and rest assured that I am safeguarding it with great care. I know I said that I trust you less the minute you made one small mistake you hadn't intended to, and I really did trust you less at the time. It was my mistake to have placed so much weightage in that one tiny detail and it wasn't fair that I was being hard on you. But know now that my trust in you has been fully restored; and it isn't just 100% now, but 531.96%. Which is an all-time high, by the way. Har har. It will remain that way for a long time to come.

Thank you for your grace. For each time I gave you hell, you made an attempt to bring me undiluted joy. Just as I know I gave you hell numerous times, I also know you strived to direct happiness my way at every opportunity you got...and are still doing so. (Though I hope I have stopped giving you hell...I have stopped, yes? Say yes! Oh man...) Thank you for choosing to overlook and see past all my flaws and wrongdoings to see the very best in me. If I saw myself through your eyes, I think I would have been the most big-headed person in the known Universe.

Thank you for your patience. You said you would give me all the time and space I needed even if it would take years. How long has it been? A year, I reckon? Thank you for not pushing it any further and finally backing off for my sake. I suspect it must have been a very hard thing to do at the time and if it was, I thank you for doing so for this friendship. I had all the time and space I needed. Thank you for waiting even though you may have expected me not to return at all.

Thank you for your care. They always say mother knows best. Indeed, my mother does know best. Right from the very beginning, she had told me that you were and always will be a true friend to me and that you will be there for me no matter what. And really, I know you will be there for me no matter what. I hear it in your speech, I read it in your words, I see it in your actions. They all match perfectly and I have zero doubts about your sincerity. Thank you for placing my best interests above yours most times.

Thank you for your friendship. I mentioned in one of my age-old emails to you that a friend is a friend and that there is no difference in level and depth among all the friendships one has. Which, I admit now, is total bullcrap. Thank you for being the smarter one and already refuting that statement at the time. I have many rocks in my life, not just literal geological rocks, but people whom I stand and count on. You are one of the most precious ones in my lifetime. Solid, rare, naturally-refined, resistant to weathering, shines brilliantly when exposed to light and...cyan in color. Just the best of qualities. And you possess them all, whether you see it or not. And if you don't like cyan, it's just too bad!

I look forward to your insanely short visit here. And believe me when I say that I am madly, completely, unbelievably and overwhelmingly excited to fly, and to be doing this with you. Because if I could choose to fly with anyone, it would be with you -the friend who has seen this dream of mine ignite and invested in it more than I ever did. Although we won't actually be able to fly together as in co-piloting the aircraft or fly in the air simultaneously, we will experience this same extraordinary feeling of soaring in the sky together. And this will be one of our many greatest and fondest memories in our Book of Friendship.

Ikhsan, I will see you soon.

P/S: If you are uncomfortable with your name being mentioned even though nobody who doesn't already know what happened would be reading this -nay, I think nobody would even be reading this- then send me a text/message in 0.02 seconds after reading this. And I will remove it...when I am back on my laptop, if I am not on it already. Haw haw haw. If you send it after 0.02 seconds have passed, which it probably already did by now...I will remove it anyhow. Or change it to 'Mr. Zzzz'. Be blown away by my sheer kindness!

Grinning widely next to my awesome friend. SpongeBob, I mean.