4.18.2010

How To Ramble

Today, I replied my best friend's email after almost a whole month. Almost. It wasn't a whole month. It was 29 days. I am not proud for taking this long to reply someone so irreplaceable when I am an absolute advocate for keeping in touch with people who are physically far from you but emotionally close to you, especially through the World Wide Web. I hang my head in shame.

Throughout the days leading up to the end of this week (or the end of extreme college labor), I made many unnoticeable but unwise mistakes. In hindsight, I realize how greatly I am affected when I have academic priorities which automatically take precedence over all else -even the best interests of people I value. Despite missing my best friend so much and having her in my thoughts everyday without fail, I couldn't find the time to reply her until I had finished my homework, completed my presentation and made sure there was nothing left on my to-do list that I could cancel off for the time being. It was not fair. And I am very sorry. But I hope the 3923-word reply would make her happy in the smallest way. I cringe as I type this, but I really miss her. Insanely.

My new-found fear is staying in touch with precious gems in my life when I get to the States. Having the means to keep in touch would be one thing...and actually using those means to keep in contact would be another. And it is the latter that I suck at doing when academic obligations come in the way. I hope all that will change soon though. Because I am an utter fool to be placing academics on the very top of the list. Did I hear you say I suck? Why, yes, I do. I have much of my mental development to work on.

I have exactly two more weeks left to college including the week of finals. I had been looking forward to the end of this hellish semester for the longest time that I nearly forgot what was going to be missing in my life once this is all over. As happy as I am that freedom is nigh, I am certainly going to miss a truckload of things, especially the people...and the experiences that I would not be able to get otherwise. It is equal parts bitter and equal parts sweet. But the future cajoles...and I don't regret the decisions made -both good and bad.

If there is anything this semester has taught me, it is that God can always prove a professional pessimist wrong. I don't think I can count the number of times when I was sure that everything was going to be awry and hard work would yield no desirable results. There were also times when I thought the semester couldn't get any worse...and of course that was proven completely wrong. And then there were times when I thought that the tedium my life was turning out to be was going to break me before I could get to the end. But God took all of my negative thoughts, rolled them up into a killer orb and bludgeoned it to ashes. And boy did that feel good -like the loveliest punch in the gut.

I am hoping with every fiber of my being that in the months to come, I will be reminded everyday that being negative does nobody any good, except gives God more work to accumulate the thoughts into a soon-to-be crushed block. It is going to be a feat considering how negative I have been for the past 18 years. Old habits die hard, but they eventually die. So...positive thinking! I hope... OK, positive thinking!

End ramble.

P/S: I may be pessimistic in my next post. Pardon me. No wait, positive thinking! OK, I will try to tackle procrastination, laziness, impatience, insensitivity or selfishness in my next post. Try.

PP/S: I think the toothless Oreo-loving baby I held during the service learning trip has done something to the wires in my brain. Not that I am being negative about it.

PPP/S: Oy me!

2 comments:

Ikitron said...

FINALLY you TRY to think positive -__-

P.S Cant wait for that epic moment! xD

Justine said...

Hahahaha. :P