Best to the Worst

A week ago, I made the best decision all week to deactivate my Facebook account. I had never been so productive on a Friday night and Saturday morning...and then came today. I got hooked onto Tumblr and decided to create a new account and...lo and behold, it is the worst decision I have made all month. I unknowingly spent a couple of hours today scouring the world of Tumblr and re-blogging epic pictures + texts on my Tumblr site no thanks to the pure ingenuity and uplifting nature of the pictures + texts I stumble upon. But still. I am not proud of what I did today. Excuse me while I go hang my head in shame.


Rant #72846

Today was an achingly long day. I spent nine painful hours in college and every passing minute had seemed to last for one hour. I tried to sleep early last night since I had to donate blood today...or so I had thought. But just like every other time I try to sleep early, I end up tossing on the bed for two solid hours before finally falling asleep. I woke up this morning feeling sleep-deprived and drove to college in a dazed state.

When it was time to donate my blood, I went for the mandatory mini-check-up before being granted the permission to donate. After my finger was pricked and my blood type was identified, I proceeded to see the doctor stationed there. The health interview was going well when I apprised her of the coughs I've been having for a month now and the antibiotics I am currently on. And that became the end of my non-existent stint as a blood donor. Pshaw.

After the devastating news that my blood wasn't donor-worthy, I had close to three hours to kill before the Mathlogic quiz a friend had cajoled me into participating began. Thirty minutes before the quiz was about to commence, the editor and lecturer-in-charge broke some startling (albeit good) news to me regarding the future of the magazine...which seems unlikely at the moment. Oh man. When it was time to enter the classroom to sit for the quiz, my uneasiness culminated and my fears became realized. The quiz had certainly lived up to its name and most, if not all, questions were logic-based. Logic and I have never been great friends. It would have gone disastrously if it weren't for my two very capable groupmates.

I reached home at 6PM and went straight to work on the second round of my university applications. I am emotionally, mentally and physically drained right now. A midterm and a quiz are coming up in a few days' time and I can spare almost no time to prepare for my next tutoring session. I could definitely use at least thirty hours in a day this week because honestly, my college life is just so uncool right now. I repeat, just so uncool.

But in making the effort to see the light in this time of darkness, I am still very much grateful that I have an education in the first place to kvetch about. College in itself is a blessing, but the unendurable amount of woes that college bring...are blessings in disguise.

It is barely 10PM but I am going to hit the sack now. I am done worrying for today. My worries for tomorrow will just have to wait.

P/S: In lieu of all the (exaggerated) mental agony that I am going through right now, I almost forgot about one great piece of news that made my day: getting back my World Religion midterm paper which I had stressed so much over that I thought I was better off handing an empty piece of paper. Thankfully, I didn't. I rejoice in He who provides. One down, 324798 to go.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


The Business of π

Today was Pi Day. Coincidentally, I spent a whole lot of time completing my Calculus homework after a great time at church today. I also spent a whole lot of time, though not nearly as much, surfing author's websites to alleviate the dispensable stress that now hogs my brain on a daily basis. I had also spent an insane amount of time feverishly logging in to my temporary student portal at the university sites to check my application status which hasn't so much as blinked since the dawn of time.

Tomorrow is going to be a fantastically dreadful day. I have a truckload of things to do that I had to write a to-do list to put the horrid tasks at hand to paper. Among the list of things to do tomorrow are:
1. Donate blood -if the mini physical check gives me the green light to donate.
2. Join the Mathelogic quiz I didn't want to join but somehow got persuaded into joining.
3. Pre-register for next Summer's courses -in the event that Plan G does not work out.
4. Get down on my knees and beg my lecturer of choice to write me a recommendation letter -even though there is absolutely nothing about me that's worth recommending. Psh.
5. Write the hateful to-do list for the following day.

And the list brimming with menial tasks extends to number sixteen. Brilliant.

I had also written another list entitled "In the Likely Event that the University Does Not Accept Me"; tragic as it sounds. This list, albeit shorter than the To-do List, requires more blood, sweat and sanity. Oh, and many papers sacrificed. I weep a million buckets of tears...for the trees, I mean.


P/S: I was tempted to add "Recite the 22, 514 decimal digits of π" (like this guy did in five hours and nineteen minutes) in the list of things I should or must do in my lifetime on the right panel of this blog...but I would be admitted to an asylum before making it past the 10th digit. So I thought better of it and protected the sanity of Future Justine. Score one for Present Justine. Not.


The Unknown Plan

Today, I re-initiated my quest to apply to a university by uni-surfing and downloading all the necessary forms and groaning internally with each form downloaded. This particular university happens to be in New York, though not in the city (thank goodness). After receiving replies from Colorado and Nebraska and giving up hope on Minnesota and Wisconsin, I'm back to where I first started off in this painfully tiresome and unending process. I honestly don't know what the future holds for me, but I know who holds my future: God. I have tried, unsuccessfully, to be patient and wait on whatever God's plan is for me. I am still trying.

Last week has been stressful but what else is new? Next week will also be stressful but, again, what else is new? I am just hoping to make it out of this semester alive like I miraculously did with my previous three semesters. And then, if Plan G works out, I will bid my college goodbye.

I am looking forward to church tomorrow, for the first time in too long. Taking the step to attend the new church is turning out to be a very fruitful decision and I hope I will say the same many months from now as well. Plus, my mother will be joining me for the service tomorrow. I'm glad.

On a side note, due to my extreme stress (yeah right), I temporarily deactivated my Facebook account a few nights ago because the distraction from it was proving to be greater than I was willing to admit. And lo and behold, the exact same moment I deactivated it, my brother decided to play one of the Facebook games called Farmville and asked me to get back on to play the game and visit his farm. I had no comment. I will reactivate my Facebook account when I am no longer under extreme stress (again, yeah right) or when my fingers decide to disobey my brain's orders and logs in to the site on their own account; in which case, I would be a victim of my fingers...and am at no fault whatsoever.

On another side note, I ordered three storybooks online last night after my parents succumbed to The Puppy Dog Eyes look. OK, not really. They gave me the green light only because the books were very reasonably priced and shipping to the country was gratis! Nice! The arrival of the glorious books is the one thing I am looking forward to in the coming weeks.

Off to drink tea.


The Ages

Note: This post is messy beyond belief. Kind of like word vomit, only uncooler.

The day my mother got robbed was the day my best friend turned nineteen. I wished I could have been there to celebrate it with her. After having had her by my side for a little close to fourteen years now, it sucks like a vampire to not have her here anymore. Thankfully, the advent of the World Wide Web have made things slightly easier to deal with. A very blessed birthday to her. I am not one for any displays of mushiness, but I miss her everyday. OK. The mushiness ends here.

Should haves have been driving me up the wall. Every morning I get up to the lingering thought of a new plan hatched in my head while I was asleep; the plan to prevent the theft from ever happening in the first place. Listen to my instincts, hit the button to open the auto-gate while he was climbing it, run in front of my mother, kick him in the area where it hurts most, distract him...the list is endless. But alas, it has happened. I did nothing, and there is nothing to do about it now, except listen to what God is trying to teach my mother and me. And pray for my mother's healing, and for Mr. Anger and Mr. Regret to stop bugging me.

College has been a real pain what with the numerous amount of academic obligations. All the tests, assignments, projects and homework have morphed into one entity which is slowly chipping away my sanity. Although I know exactly what is keeping me sane. And among the succinct list would be books. Not the academic kind, but the fictitious kind. I have never read this much in a semester before. Usually, if I'm fortunate enough and blessed with a little bit more time, I get to painfully finish one storybook throughout the whole semester. So far, I have read a little over five -not that much, but still- and it is only mid-sem. Although I fear that I may not have enough time to read in the coming weeks, I just don't care. Much. Life is too short, and I think it's time I finally practise what I believe: Do something that you love everyday. And that would be reading, for me.

Ever since the robbery, two things have happened: a) My parents are harnessing me on an even tighter leash, and b) The still quietness each time I'm alone at home isn't boding with me so well anymore. I used to love it. Oy. I guess I can't blame my parents on the former, though it is expediting my unwanted approach to the Age of Rebellion. Double oy.

Tomorrow, I will be attending a new youth church I've been meaning to try out for sometime now but just never had the guts to do so. I hope this decision will turn out alright, because I am in dire need of treading on new spiritual ground and am not doing too good just floating above any spiritual ground at the moment.

I also hope I sound alright...because I don't think I do. But maybe that's just me. I am alright though. Just fighting against the inexplicable force that is hurrying me to grow up. Or maybe I already have. Nah, doubtful...or is it really? Yeah, I'm alright. Just chilling in the Age of Confusion. I blame the looming mid-terms and assignments. The screws in my head are annoyingly loose now.

P/S: When I start speaking in metaphors, it is a sign that I should retreat to get a good read for reasons unknown. Excuse me while I do that now.


The Story of Stew Pitt

Today was a good day gone bad, gone even worse, then gone back to good. It was a good day at first because I got up late (which isn't the good part) but got to sleep in a bit more at least (which is the good part). Then it got bad when there was a Calculus quiz, and a much-needed chat with two good friends (which is the good part) but unfortunately, it didn't yield the much-needed results (which is the bad part).

The day culminated at its very worse when my mother got robbed inside the house compound while the auto-gates were closed. Before we even got to open the inner house gates, the perpetrator, appropriately nicknamed Stew Pitt, had climbed over the outer gate in a flash and threatened my mother with a knife. She, despite being panicked and terrified beyond words, managed to ask him what he wanted and told him not to harm her. Thankfully, he took her bag and left. And fortunately for me, he didn't come near me because I had a backpack on instead of a handbag. After that, Stew Pitt went out the same way he came in, hopped onto the bike where his accomplice, Stew Pitt Too, was waiting for him and sped off gracefully into the hot afternoon sun. And after that, my mother became shaken up and slightly disoriented. But I am immensely proud of her for keeping her cool and somewhat taking charge of the situation. Go, mother!

My father came home five minutes after we called him and the barring of all cards ensued. Then, we left for the police station to lodge a report. I absolutely had no idea that lodging a police report could take two eternities or so. I wasn't needed for the most part, except when it came to giving a witness statement. And even then, I proved to be of no use for the photofit even though I got an eyeful of Stew Pitt dead in the face before the crime was even committed. Psh. I also learned that my grasp on the Malay language has declined so unbearably much when I was required to give my statement in said language. It was horrifying trying to get the words out; even my mother did better at it than I did. But the cop-woman who interrogated us was one very gracious yet t-u-p-h lady. Throughout the four hours I was at the police station with my mother, the only things which kept me sane had been my storybook and the dramatically entertaining scenes going on in front of me.

Lessons learnt today:
1. Safety and well-being beats money anytime.
2. Cops (here) are slow to action.
3. When looking at a perpetrator dead in the eye, imprint his/her face features into your mind, as unpleasant as that may seem.
4. Learn martial arts...or nick some guns.
5. My mother is a wonder.
6. Robbing is uncool. Threatening someone is even more uncool.
7. Some people's butts are just meant to be kicked.
8. Good friends don't come by often.
9. Curry is delicious.
10. God is always in control, even when we think we are.


Removing the Cobwebs

It is quite a tragedy that I simply cannot remember the last time I had blogged, although I can gauge that it had been almost if not more than two weeks ago. The temporary deaths of the blogs of several friends also hadn't helped. (Hint hint.) After watching a movie just thirty minutes ago about a main character who blogged daily about her cooking endeavors, it dawned on me that I, in fact, own a blog...in which I blog about my nonsensical endeavors.

A large number of eventful things have happened since and if you would like your eyes to water, attempt reading the following:

In the past two weeks, I had a road-trip to forget, as opposed to remember; drove on the wrong side of the highway; blew bubbles by the beach; got murdered three times in three Mafia games; felt a moment of awesomeness when I worked on a Math problem in lesser steps compared to the textbook answer scheme; got woken up at 3AM to discover that my father got admitted to the hospital; received a considerable amount of scholarship from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln but still I am not sure if I should head there; drove through the SMART tunnel on the way back from a movie at KLCC for the first time and I am proud that I did it; had a whole ton of Japanese food; conducted my third tutoring session which went rather alright; broke down in front of my parents which was rather uncool of me to do; locked myself in my room to study for a test and complete part of a research while my two little cousins played outside with my brother; signed up for a virtual stock exchange challenge for a Microeconomics class activity; discovered that said challenge was as comprehensible as Greek to me; got a new book for a lecturer who had been badgering me for two months now and my book is too precious to be in the hands of an authoritative figure; and struggled for survival -still am- in the battlefield known as College.

There you go.

P/S: This literary piece of madness happens to be my 500th post. Yeah man.