Fourth episode of The You-don't-need-to-know Weekly News:

Monday: Drove to college for the first time all on my own. Felt victorious the entire day until the live video streaming of the launch of Space Shuttle Endeavour jammed on the laptop I was using right before take-off. I weep in silence.

Tuesday: Drove to college with my friend riding shotgun. Had a bit of a breakdown at night and an absolute teenage moment when I seriously and truly thought that my life was going to be over. I seem to be doing this a lot lately. Very uncool.

Wednesday: Drove to college on my own again. Had my second tutoring session and the turnout (6 students) was a far cry from my first session (1 student). They had just received their test papers back that day and the results were pretty unsettling. After looking at the test questions, I became immensely grateful that I wasn't actually taking the course. I mean, the questions were t-u-p-h. During my tutoring session, they had asked me to focus on linear inequalities and so we worked on that alone for the whole hour. Ten minutes into the session, I became as confused as they were and I think all of them could see it. Again, uncool. And unprofessional. Oy.

At night, I went for dinner with two awesome high school friends since one of them was about to leave the country very soon. During dinner, I decided to check my email and received great news from one of the universities I had applied to: University of Nebraska-Lincoln. God is good...but I still don't know what His plan is for me. Colorado had been my first choice and Nebraska had been my back-up plan. The first choice replied me before my back-up had...and I was 90% set on heading to Colorado, but never 100%. I found out a few days later why the 10% was bugging me.

Thursday: Left college after my last class at 11AM. Shortly after I got home, I left to pick up my best friend and we both went to our high school to bid goodbye to some teachers. Unfortunately, the teachers we had wanted to meet weren't there and we only got to talk to one teacher before we left. After that, we went for lunch at the mall and a friend met up with us there since her class was canceled. And after that, we bought tickets for a night movie and went our separate ways; waiting for night to come. It was a great day spent with great friends, great food and a great movie.

Friday: Drove to college on my own for the fourth time all week. My brother arrived back in the country. Tried to squash the very strong urge to steal the insanely adorable robotic plushie my brother got for my six-month-old baby cousin brother. Watched three movies; with the last one nearly giving me a cardiac arrest as I watched it alone in the dead of the night to keep myself awake. I couldn't even sit still as I flailed and jumped around like a loony, waiting for the madly suspenseful scene to pass. Again, uncool! Finally, it was 1AM and it was time to call Colorado.

And out flew my rooted plan to go to Colorado all this while. Spoke to the Director at the Admissions Office and found out too many shocking revelations that I was rendered speechless at first and couldn't muster any reaction whatsoever. Five seconds later, I thanked him, said goodbye, looked at my mother and tried not to crack my skull open on the wall next to me. A minute later, my mother and I were discussing about the huge rut I was -and still am- stuck in but came to no solution. We stared at each other a lot in silence; not knowing exactly what to do. She was filled with worry, and I was emptied out with a giant hole in my gut. Colorado was still possible, but it would require an extra year or two, a change of major and a whole lot of money dumped down the drainage pipe. Then it was 2AM. We called it a night.

Saturday: Got up early on a Saturday morning to head to breakfast with my best friend and two other dearly missed high school friends. When we were done, I drove my best friend home and bid her goodbye for the last time since we were heading to opposite sides of the world and might not be back home at the same time from now on. Our fourteen years of friendship to date has been nothing short of incredible. I honestly hope that neither America nor Australia would get close to shaking the friendship. Losing a best friend -though not literally- stings like nuts. And coupling that up with my thwarted university plan stings doubly worse. I drove home feeling more down than I've ever felt in a long time. At night, I had dinner with my whole family for the first time in two months. That, at least, made me feel better. My laptop is also now back and kicking since my brother worked his magic on it earlier today.

This week hasn't been one of the easiest. I went from being immensely pissed and outraged to completely upset and crushed to maddeningly fearful and lost in a matter of days...and sometimes hours. I am somewhat relieved that the the one-week holiday has arrived because I definitely could use a break. But knowing what's awaiting me after the Chinese New Year break is a bit of a mood-killer.

Other than the aforementioned aspects of my life, life has been pretty good -and I mean that sincerely because I am running low on sarcasm juice. Having family and friends who care is a major booster for my low spirits. And I thank God for them, among many other things.



Found it highly odd that the one and only student who came for my first tutoring session happened to be a 26-year-old former Japanese math whiz. Huh. Despite fully expecting there to be zero attendance earlier on in the day, I prepared some material for the session anyway. In the end, I barely used half of it because the Awesome Dudette told me exactly what she needed help in, and I inwardly rejoiced. Besides the usual questions pertaining to algebra, she had asked me a question I couldn't answer: "Why do I need to study Calculus for Business?" My only reply had been, "Well...uh...um...err...let's begin!"

Watched two movies at home due to the extreme stress (or extreme laziness, however you view it) which kicked in after I got back from college before noon. After that, I sat down to do nothing. And then I realized that this semester is going to mess up my mind quite a bit thanks to the superbly contrasting courses I have foolishly taken. I will try as best as I can to explain why though I will fail. Sociology is questioning my sanity; World Religion is questioning my existence; Microeconomics is questioning my moolah or rather, lack thereof; Malaysian Studies is questioning my allegiance; and tutoring is questioning my usefulness or rather, lack thereof. So amidst all the madness, Calculus III, sadly, is the only thing keeping me sane. Because it only questions me. Aiyaya.

Arrived in college twenty minutes late thanks to the spectacularly massive jam...and that's saying something given how massive the morning jam is every other day. The day was positively dull until night came. My best friend came to pick a good friend and me up for dinner. Post-dinner, we went slightly wild thanks to the awesome backdrop at the place. Also, it was probably one of the last few times we were able to chill together what with the few of us heading off in different directions soon.

Celebrated a friend's nineteenth birthday at the mall. I was given the green light to drive and so I did. Since the bowling plan, the karaoke plan and the movie plan had to be thwarted for unfortunate reasons, we ended up walking from one end of the mall to the other end of the other interconnected mall several times until we decided to head back to where our college was to unwind. It was a good and fulfilling day since we got to hang out with each other, my cousin sister was able to join in on the fun, the birthday dude lived through something I never would in a million years and I got to drive over a very long distance. The only downside of the day was not being able to see my parents from the moment I got up until the moment I fell asleep. Oy.

Read a book, watched a movie, looked up airfares to Colorado and completed 68.4% of my homework. And submitted my name to be included on a microchip that will be sent to Mars as part of NASA's Mars Science Laboratory mission which is scheduled to launch in 2011. As insignificant as that actually is since there are already millions of names on it, I am feeling somewhat awesome.


Freak Out Mode: On

Yesterday was a very eventful day. I sat in my first Calculus for Business class...and left ten minutes later since the class was too full. And that was about as eventful as the day got...until night came. My parents, uncle, aunt and I left for the city for a very huge family dinner. There, I ate a magic prawn which had cost 35 bucks (per prawn), laughed like I was on happy pills thanks to my fantastically hilarious cousins and simply spent precious time with precious people. The good times I had at the family dinner, not for the first time, were priceless. I finally got home thirty minutes to midnight and the bed screeched my name. I wanted it to shut up and the only way I could do that was by sleeping. I decided that it was the one time I was allowed to ignore my homework. And so I did.

Today was as eventful as yesterday. The Calculus lecturer returned our quiz results and discussed yesterday's homework. I stared at her cluelessly as she wrote cryptic secret codes on the board since I hadn't completed the homework. Yet. Then in Sociology, the lecturer took fifty excruciating minutes to explain the blasted life and times of a dude who inspired a sociological theory listed in the textbook. I think I am now having grave regrets for taking the course. Tragically, the regret has set in a little bit too late. And so the mental torture will continue.

After Sociology, a friend and I sat through ninety minutes of Calculus for Business with the current students who are pursuing the course. Most of what was covered in class by the lecturer were taught back in high school for the Science Stream students. Still...there were some questions which twisted my gut in an unpleasant way because the computations completely escaped me. There was a point during the lesson when the lecturer looked right at me and said, "Sometimes I just feel like pulling my hair out [while teaching these students]." I smiled weakly in return. I felt like doing just that as well, but for a completely different reason. Oy.

Tomorrow will be my first tutoring session for the course. The attendance will be hovering between negative ten to one; one being yours truly. I have been freaking out the whole day and came home to watch a Disney original cartoon to de-stress. I have not planned out anything and I fear the worst. Please excuse me while I go have a panic attack now.

P/S: What do you do when you have too many secrets to carry to the grave? You try your flippin' best to shut up. I am doing so now.