Although it had been nearly a decade since I graduated from high school, I was still in what felt like a perpetual state of being a student. First came college, then came my first not-sure-what-to-do-in-life crisis, then came my Bachelor's stint, then came my second still-not-sure-what-to-do-in-life crisis, then came my Master's stint, and then, I suddenly stopped being a student last year. It was quite an odd feeling at first, but I quickly got used to it and even reveled in it.
Despite not being a student, I continued to serve in the (international) student ministry in my church, and somehow felt like I was leading a double life every day. I would only be a friend to my co-workers every week day, from 7:30 a.m. until 4:30 p.m., and then I would spend the rest of my time with friends much younger than me, doing things I was slowly losing the capacity to do. An entire year of this eventually led to my tank running way below empty, and, unfortunately, a massive blowup.
With some distance between then and now, God has given me some clarity, but much is still left to confusion, anger, and pain. However, I am learning that I do not need to understand it all, nor do I need to fix it all. All that God is requiring of me is to fear Him and to trust Him. And so, here I am, trying yet again to exercise faith as I walk into September and join the ministry in my church comprising of young professionals. As September closes in, many fears and doubts keep circling in my head: What if it doesn't work out? What if I don't find solid relationships? What about the bridges I have just burned?
But alas, all I can do is fear Him and trust Him. Also, God, in His cool and glorious fashion, gave me just the right word today as these thoughts surfaced again: "You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me." -Psalm 139:5
So there I have it. He'll take care of what is to come, and what is behind me, too.
On a less serious note, this alpaca friend of mine has been making me smile stupidly all day. My housemate is simply the sweetest, and always brings back souvenirs that make me squeal. Yes, including the Swiss Army knife that one time.
"Huh? I can't hear you with all the fluff around my ears."